This is my story, my memory. I don't think I've ever written it, except for in my journal and I've told a few people, but for some reason, tonight is the night to share it all.
The morning started with a call from my mom at about 6 or 7 in the morning. "Get up the towers were just struck". I didn't even have to ask what towers, I just knew what she was talking about. It was right after the first Twin Tower was struck. It was a Tuesday and I had to close, so I wasn't at work. I called them immediately and they knew.
I rushed downstairs, I was alone in the house that day. My at the time BF and other roommate weren't around. I don't remember why. I remember trying to call her, but her phone was busy, like a fast busy. I knew right then something was wrong. I just remember thinking, there is no way she is there.
I turned on the TV and put tapes in the VCR. To this day, I've never watched them and I have no idea why I did that. I have the entire day on tape... not once have I ever played them. In fact I still think they are in the same place I put them on that day.
I watched like so many the horrors of that day. Shocked, angry and in complete disbelief. I made a few calls, trying to find out about her, thinking about how my life could have changed along with hers and feeling guilty for thinking that way. I went to work to close, but was a mess. I never heard from her parents... not until many weeks later to confirm her passing.
It isn't the memory of the towers falling that sticks out the most in my mind, although that will forever be with me. This memory, is from September 13th. I came out of work around 6 and I saw a plane for the first time. I was scared, really scared for the first time, and I felt ashamed, because there was no reason for me to be afraid of a plane and I was. I wrote in my journal that “I just froze” .
Another vivid memory happened on the night of the 11th or on the night of the 12th. My then boyfriend and I were driving to Krispy Kreme of all places, and it was night and there wasn't a plane in the sky and it was terrifying. It was erie, it... I still don't know how to describe it.
That Friday, was the candle light vigil. I went of all places, down to my local radio station, I don't know why, but it's where I went. My bf at the time wasn't interested, he I donno, just it was when I realized we were done, although we didn’t end things until November.
I don't know how or why, but others had gathered there too, and then the station started inviting people down for donations. I stayed the entire night, writing things on the back of windows, and raising money for the Red Cross. There were like 10 of us, including the station staff and there was a line of cars coming in from Central Ave and 1st. It wasn't much, but it was something and it just made me feel better... I think we raised about a thousand dollars that night, maybe more. I just didn’t leave until the last car was gone.
I then met up the next morning with a lady that had been there the night before, and my life changed forever from that talk. I tired her phone for the next few days, but I couldn't even leave a message because the voicemail was full, not that it would have mattered. I didn’t know about her memorial, until her parents had called. I would have gone.
I paid my respects in June of 2002, when I went to the site for the first time since 1992. It was a site to see. They were still clearing the area, there was a walkway to view in and a large banner, with names. I couldn’t find hers, but I finally did. The church was something to see, with all of the missing person signs posted outside, pictures and other offerings, the church courtyard still in a bit of a mess. I was there with my then husband, but felt alone.
I returned a few weeks ago. It seemed as though they were trying to hide the area. It was different, changed, but there was still… a feeling and energy in the area that made me feel uneasy. I found peace when I went back to the church. I sat in the courtyard, that had been closed to me in 2002. I walked inside and saw the artifacts that had once hung on the fence outside. I read the stories, that had been untold and I finally felt connected again.
I know that makes no sense, and I am sure not the right way to describe it, but it felt as though I’d come full circle.
This is just my story, my memory, but I wanted to share it. I know that I’ll never forget and I hope you don’t either.
I’ll have pictures posted of my last visit up sometime on September 11.
In memory of all the victims from 9/11. No matter how you feel about where this day has lead us, its time to remember all those who lost their life on that day and pay respect to those who saved so many and continue to do so. Download made possible by California Star 98.7 visit their website Never Forget.
